KANJANI8 PIMP POST OF DOOM
by culprits in crime: darlita and feather_down






Shiny, yes?

*most youtube links will eventually be replaced/joined by download links.

Kanjani8
This is, hands down, the best JE group in the history of JE groups, ever. No, we’re not biased at all. But really? It’s totally true. Other groups dance on gay rainbows? Kanjani8 is a rainbow. No, really. They call themselves Eito Rangers (like Power Rangers, only better and much, much hotter) and each of them has his own color. They are like super heroes and even have their own theme song; they do amazing musical skits at their concerts. There’s really no group who can beat that.

On top of that they are they crackiest, funniest group in JE. Most of their singles are about their home, Osaka. Basically they love Osaka a lot and Osaka is awesome and great and everyone should love Osaka, Osaka we love you!

If you're asking about gay, where do you think you are? THIS IS JE. But if you're wondering, Kanjani8 really doesn't need any encouragement. They grope, they cup, they thrust, they cling, and they cuddle and, you know, the usual molestation. Kanjani8's been together since forever even before they became Kanjani8 in 2002.

They have survived trials and tribulations, neglect and tattoos and emo, and earthquakes and armageddeon. Okay, so I joke about some of it. I could go into it some more, but for this all you need to know is that Kanjani8 is very close and full of abusive, teasing love and are quite gay for each other.

. . . oh wait, and sometimes they dress up as women. A lot.

Nishikido Ryo
YELLOW RANGER



THIS IS EMBRYO. Okay, this was Embryo. Then he grew up and become Sexy Osaka Man. Basically Ryo is really really (really) hot. And kind of an asshole. And also a failure, but you can see that for yourself later. He has the reputation of having a poison tongue and lashes out at people a lot. But deep inside, he cares a lot. Really.

Ryo is also a brat. I say this with love. If you know his reputation from NewS . . . well, it's not neccessarily the same case with Kanjani8. As the third youngest of Kanjani8, Ryo tends to act it. He teases and torments his fellow members, but he also tends to get back what he gives. He pouts and begs and does the grumpy act like a pro. When he yells the rest of Kanjani8 laughs at him. So do the Kanjani8 fangirls, especially when he yells at them.

He has a rather embarrassing crush on gravure model, Leah Dizon. As in he acts like a complete fanboy when in her presence. As demonstrated here. And on sendspace. Subbed by BNS. So not cool, Ryo. thank you, electric_mole_x for the download links.

Everyone tends to call him Ryo-chan, gained from his precious years spent as Embryo. Ryo plays the guitar and has recently started songwriting.

- Ryo tries to be cool and yet he can't catch a frisbee. Everyone laughs.
- He's unlucky and gets the short end of the stick. The chopsticks that is.




Uchi Hiroki
PINK RANGER



THIS IS THE DRUNK DIVA. Drunk because Uchi is the one who is currently not with Kanjani8, since he had some underage drinking escapades a while ago. Uchi is a total girl. He screams, he screeches, he whines, he cries - unsurprisingly he is also the baby of the group. Uchi also has a weird fixation on his mother, just so you know. He says she is his type. Hello, oedipal complex?

Uchi is a bitch. And everyone's really gay for him . . . but this is Kanjani8 so that's the norm.

Since Uchi got his drunk ass suspended (and is currently a trainee or whatever) Kanjani8 misses him greatly. They still leave spaces for him during some photoshoots and various other things despite it being nearly two years since his last Kanjani8 appearance. We miss you, Uchi!

- Uchi is a big wimp. The tent pole almost wins.
- Dogs have a thing for Uchi. Uchi doesn't have a thing for them.



Ohkura Tadayashi
GREEN RANGER



THIS IS THE DISCRETE FAILURE. Why? We’ll come to that later. Ohkura is Kanjani8’s drummer and once you look at some pictures and videos I’m pretty sure you’ll be saying ‘Save the drums, bang a drummer’. Because Ohkura, who used to be a dorky, ugly-cute kid/teenager, suddenly grew up and become really smokin’ hot. Like practically everyone else in Kanjani8 he fails at most games and sports, but it seems that over the time he has learned not to draw too much attention to his failures. The only ones who might be bigger failures are Maru and Ryo. Oh Ohkura.

He camwhores like a pro even if he barely talks - this may be because certain other members of Kanjani8 never shut up. Or the fact that he's known to zone out and daydream a lot. But when Ryo fails in his duty to make snarky remarks, Ohkura more than willingly picks up the slack (RE: Leah Dizon). Even though he's hot and he knows it and he might try to act cool, he's not afraid to dork it up and do what Kanjani8 does best. Bring the funny and the crack.

Ohkura is the second youngest member of Kanjani8 and currently the youngest active member of the group thanks to the drunk diva. Along with playing the drums, Ohkura can play the guitar and also writes songs. Yasu gave him his nickname Tacchon. You'll hear it a lot.

- Ohkura is a tree. He hopes the snake wrapped around him thinks he's one too.
- That failure thing? Ohkura was talent at it, especially when it comes to failing at tennis.




Yokoyama Yu

BLACK RANGER



THIS IS PETER PAN. Which is ironic, because Yoko is the oldest member in Kanjani8, yet he is playful, funny, adorable and silly. I am not joking when I say that everything he ever says is absolutey hilarious. He likes to talk. A lot. Once he gets going - and he's pretty much always going - it's hard to get him to stop and along with Murakami he tends to dominate conversations of any sort. Yoko's mental age is that of a twelve-year-old and we hope it never changes.

Out of the presence of the camera and Kanjani8 or other friends, it seems that Yoko is quiet and shy. Surprise, surprise. He likes to mock everyone and I do mean everyone. He also loves on everyone and is a big ol' attentionwhore. Because Yoko is awesome and sweet as well, he's been helping put his brother through college and during his junior years held a job as a construction worker. He likes to eat - all of Kanjani8 does, but Yoko and Ohkura can't be beat at eating it seems - and often tries to get someone else to pay.

His real name is Yokoyama Kimitaka, but Johnny ended up giving him a stagename. Yoko didn't discover that it was 'Yu' until he saw his name on tv. No one really calls him by his given name and if they do it kind of weirds him out. Ahaha, Yoko. Yoko writes songs for one of the subunits within Kanjani8.

- Yoko is pretty much the most inflexible JE boy ever. The yoga instructor thinks it funny and apparently likes to cause pain.
- Rugby player likes rough sex. Yoko doesn't like it so much.






Murakami Shingo
PURPLE RANGER



THIS IS SEXY MAMA. Murakami works out and it shows. His abs, oh his abs. They are beautiful and wonderful and no one would object if he went shirtless 24/7. Or totally naked. Murakami is hot and sexy and there is nothing else to say about that.

Murakami is probably the most level-headed out of Kanjani8 and keeps the chaos and dumb from getting too out of control. He does this through tough love. Kanjani8 member says something stupid - he thwacks them. Kanjani8 member does something stupid - he hits them. He hits them a lot. It's fantastic. (It's also commonly known as tsukkomi - when he hits them on the head that is) He is also the first one to usually laugh when something funny happens (aka fellow member is stupid). He's the one that keeps Kanjani8 directed and focused usually. He's pretty much the mood setter for the rest of Kanjani8 and if there's one thing about Murakami - he has no off switch and is always ON and always optimistic.

He's the one that gets used as a protective shield if something frightens another Kanjani8 member.

Murakami can dance really well and he kicks butt at most sports. Unless it involves climbing walls or jumping off buildings. Then he just fails and fails badly.

Thanks to his days as a junior, Murakami ended up with the nickname Hina (or Hina-chan) due to his resemblance at the time to an actress of the same name. That's no longer the case these days, but the nickname stuck.

Murakami is the third oldest within Kanjani8 and the other one that won't ever shut up.

- It's Murakami versus the wall. My bet's on the wall winning.
- Playing with the kitty is all fun and games until Murakami nearly knocks himself out.




Yasuda Shota
BLUE RANGER



THIS IS FASHIONABLE TOMBOY. Yasu is the other girl of Kanjani8. He manages to do well at almost everything - if not great - and tends to fail the least out of Kanjani8 . . . which might not actually be saying much. He also stylishly paints his fingernails and toenails, wears skirts as everyday wear, has all of Kanjani8 state that he's like a girlfriend, and has apparently even admitted during a concert MC that if he was reborn he would want to be a girl. He likes fashion a lot even though said taste in fashion can be questionable.

Yasu is the most adorable, cuddley, sweetest JE boy ever. He often gets teased and tormented for being the least interesting (read as unfunny) Kanjani8 member, but everyone tends to love on him one way or another. Someone is usually attached to him in one way or another be it hugging, clinging, cuddling or sitting on him. He's not afraid to get emotional and ends up crying at times - which usually calls for a group hug or a tsukkomi from Hina. But he's far from a wimp and stands up for himself and others. Yasu is all around amazing and kinda and open-minded to a rather astounding degree. The world would be a better place if everyone had a Yasu.

He is also Kanjani8's kickass guitarist and composes songs and the fourth youngest out of Kanjani8, a mere two months older than Ryo. Yasu has a slight obsession with nicknames. He gives them to others (RE: Tacchon) and wants them for himself. Nicknames: Yasu or Yassan.

- Don't steal Yasu's strawberry. You'll make him cry.
- Yasu fails at lifting weights and Subaru tries to make it better. Um, right.





Maruyama Ryuuhei
ORANGE RANGER



THIS IS KANJANI8’s (HOT) DOG. And by dog we mean pet. *squishes* He's dumb or maybe he's just playing dumb part of the time - it's hard to tell - but he attracts Murakami's tsukkomi most out of Kanjani8. We love him. He spouts off random exaggerated Engrish at times, has a catchphrase 'PAAAAAN', and is the living emoticon. As in he faces he makes are amazing and sometimes disturbing and sometimes WTF, but always and forever PURE GOLD. Which sometimes disguises the fact that Maru is hot even if he was kind of not a few years ago.

He might be a magnet for abuse from the rest of Kanjani8 - it's a sign of love, I swear - but he's the other big sweetie of the group aside from Yasu and he gets a lot of petting and being clung to. He's really cheerful, never mean, and he never gets mad. He seems to be the first one that always ends up apologizing if he does get into a fight. Maru's pretty odd, but it's endearing. He and Subaru tend to unite forces to be random and hilarious. Maru's pretty much the one that can end up being friends with everyone and anyone.

Maru is Kanjani8's bassist and he also plays guitar. He's the fifth youngest or fourth oldest out of the group. Most of the time he's called Maru or Maru-chan though Subaru is evil lately and has been heard calling him 'Ryu-chan' which is much too easily confused with Ryo-chan. Damn you, Subaru.

- So the one time Maru takes his helmet off, well, this is what happens.
- Maru and his Engrish and sound effects are special.




Shibutani Subaru
RED RANGER



THIS IS THE ADORABLE PERV. Don’t be scared of him!! Really, don’t. Okay, so maybe he is a little weird and creep, but they all are. It makes them extra-lovable. And Subaru is very lovable, trust me on this.

Subaru was the girliest, prettiest junior ever. No. Really. And then he became emo due to stuff and started wearing a lot of black and ended up with a skull tattoo on his hand (it's faded now - laser removal? - but it's still there if one looks for it). Maybe it was after a night of drunken, angsty debauchery. Who knows. He is no longer quite so emo and very cute if strange at times. Subaru is a big presence onstage and likely to do silly and kind of insane things - humping a microphone stand isn't that bad really - but is the opposite when off camera. Subaru is shy and usually relies on someone (RE: Yasu) to ask a salesperson for his size in clothes and to exchange phone numbers. And when he goes out he doesn't like to go out by himself and gets someone else to go with him.

He can be a brat, too. Subaru likes to make snarky or dorky remarks at times and often gets hit for them. He spazzes at the camera and often clings to whoever is next to him - the usual victims being Maru and Yasu. He is adorable.

When questioned recently how many friends he had he answered six and when forced to say who - the rest of Kanjani8. Aw, Subaru.

Subaru is the main vocalist and he can play guitar and, I think, the piano. He also writes songs for a lot of stuff including his solos which tend to be emo. And everyone in Kanjani8 calls him Subaru (or a rare Shibuyan).

- Subaru cooking is rather cute. Plus he gets hit quite a bit. Hahaha.
- The rest of Kanjani8 are Subaru's pets and no one blinks an eye at it.




Subunits
Kanjani8 has quite a few.

Sankyoudai:
Yoko, Yasu, and Subaru act as brothers. Yoko is the oldest as Yu, Yasu the middle with the name of Chiba, and Subaru is Baru - the youngest. Yoko writes the songs for the subunit, Subaru sings them, and Yasu plays acoustic guitar. All of their songs deal with food. Mikan is one of their songs. Not the greatest perf as Subaru reaches for notes and does not get, but still A-okay.

Yamada:
The mankai (aka comedy) duo of Yasu and Maru. Yasu plays the straight man (tsukkomi) and Maru, the not smart one (the boke).

Kanjimi3 or Ohyamada (as Subaru was so kindly renamed them):
Consisting of Ohkura on the drums, Yasu on the guitar, and Maru on the bass. They performed Ashita together at the Spirits! con.

SubaruBAND:
Subaru playing guitar with Yasu, Maru, and Ohkura as backup. Subaru writes the songs for the group and Yasu composes. ONE is one of their songs.

V.West:
Formed before Kanjani8 with Uchi, Maru, Yasu, and two other members and then the show they were on ended and the other two members left. They were popular enough to hold concerts. When Kanjani8 formed and Ohkura joined the group, he joined the subunit V.West as well. Pretty much like the SubaruBAND except with Uchi. Once Kanjani8 was created, they only performed during concerts.


PVs
With money behind them or without, Kanjani8 is guaranteed to bring the crackiest, most wonderful PVs ever. They do enka, blue-ish pop, some rockish songs, and - obviously - pop.

- Naniwa Iroha Bushi: RYO IS HOT. That's a lot of help, Korea. Their first PV and it is cheap, but well - it is crack and there is a cannon. Plus it has Uchi! I love this song.
- Osaka Rainy Blues: The song is awesome and I love it and yes. AWESOME. In this version of the PV the boys get wet. And some suggestively touch themselves. HI OHKURA.
- Sukiyanen, Osaka: WE LOVE YA, OSAKA. You have Kanjani8 dorking it up and jumping on top of each other and just having fun. With a big ol' side of crack.
- Osaka Obachan Rock : This could possibly scare people away. I don't know. BUT! It's about Osaka GRANDMOTHERS and the leopard print outfits with big shoulders kind of make me die.
- Kanfuu Fighting: Kanjani8's biggest selling single yet. Everyone looks hot and despite being cheap as all hell - it's still a cool PV.
- Zukkoke Otokomichi: Insanely catchy. And full of crack. Kanjani8 looks like they raided their grandparents' closests and there is a whole lot of hip thrusting going on. Plus what seems to be a mass orgy on the floor. IT IS AWESOME.

Performances
Be it concerts or tv appearances, Kanjani8 does them all with a whole lot of enthusiasm. They love to perform. It's often fantastic, hilarious and just plain amazing.

- This Osaka Obachan Rock/Kanfuu Fight Medley is just fun fun fun. They run behind the hosts at one point and dance with them. A+
- Kanjani8 sing Osaka Rainy Blues without Subaru. Maru and Yasu join forces to sing his part and it's kinda shiny.
- Explosion. Also known as that one where they rip their shirts open. Hina's abs. *___*
- Kanjani8 really likes performing their new single - Zukkoke Otokomichi. Instead of their usual crazy rainbow vomit suits, Kanjani8 once again raided their grandparents' closet to dress themselves. Or at least certain members did. Watch out for the flapping, the crazy faces, and Ryo hurting himself. Oh, and the hipthrusts. AWESOME.
- One of Subaru's solos, Owari no nai tabi, from the Excite! concert. Ryo and Uchi first join in and then the rest of Kanjani8. I just really, really like it. A LOT.
- THE BOOGIE MEDLEY also from the Excite! concert. It's not about whether they sound good, IT'S ABOUT WATCHING THEM BE HYPER AS HELL AND FLAIL ALL OVER THE PLACE. I LOVE IT.
- Heat Up! was a very shiny concert all around. Heat Is On was fantastic because of the very tight pants. And the smoke. And everyone looking hot and sweaty.
- Do You Agree? - SHINY. Watch as everyone pimps it in purple and Maru, Yasu, and Ohkura rock it with their instruments.
- Heavenly Psycho is one of my favorite songs and Kanjani8's performance of it at their Spirits! concert is fantastic. There's Ohkura, Yasu, and Maru on their usual instruments plus Subaru and Ryo also on guitar.
- Kanfuu Fighting perf! GNNNNNNNH GOES SUBARU.
- Sukiyanen, Osaka. Performances of this are always A+. A++++++
- Sukiyanen, Osaka AGAIN. Go for it and download!!! thank you, ilanabean42 for the additional perfs!

Media
(not much here at the moment, oops!)

- For their show Honjani, Kanjani8 would sometimes dress as women and do skits and challenges. Ryo is the most hideous crossdresser ever. Thanks to BNS for subbing this.
- Part of the Making of Sukiyanen, PV. Watch Kanjani8 be dumb boys and Yoko nearly break something.
- Excite! Bonus 2. Kanjani8 backstage before, during, and after the Excite! con. Watch them make strange noises, Hina and Yoko be touchy with Ohkura, Subaru be odd, and Ryo with his hand down the front of his pants. I mean - Watch it! Unfortunately not subbed, but it is still A+.

Clips

- Kanjani8 talks Engrish. MUST SEE!!! Watch as they attempt to MC in English during a con.
- BAAAAAAAALL! goes Kanjani8. All of them are freaks.
- Kanjani8 sucks at tennis. As in it takes them 101 tries to finish a challenge and it makes Yasu cry. I do mean cry.
- Watch Kanjani8 make ice cream and then try to out orgasm each other when eating it. And Yoko abuse Yasu.
- So one day it was thought it would be funny to have Ryo molested by a bunch of fat men in the sauna and to make Ohkura feel dirty and violated.
- Sometimes Kanjani8 has attention issues. Watch as Ohkura promotes their first album and everyone else acts special.
- I think the tennis instructor told them this was to practice their swings just so she could watch them smack each other's asses.
- Murakami and Yasu are adorable. And catching imaginary fish.
- Kanjani8 volunteers Ohkura and Maru for possible pain.
- That rugby player that abused Yoko? He brought his friends and they attempt to make a Yoko pancake.
- Murakami's fear of heights probably isn't helped by that time he had to dress up as Spiderman and hauled up a building or made to jump off the top of said building. uploaded wrong clip for second download. will fix.
- Yasu gets strapped to the top of a car and made to leap over it during his turn as the superhero.
- Ohkura gets his own turn at a warped, sadistic version of a Spiderman stunt when he's hauled behind a truck.
- The half of Kanjani8 that loses at bowling gets to be bowling pins! They all fall down.
- Maru has a close encounter with a police dog. Police dog pwns him. Uchi is a bitch and laughs from far away.
- Uchi shouldn't have laughed and should have remembered that dogs love him.
- The dog doesn't mind playing around on the side though as it totally takes Yasu out.
- Ryo can run, but he can't hide when he's caught on film.
- Maru turns into Maru with a shocking touch! Yasu goes down! Uchi is a crybaby!
- Sometimes Kanjani8 doesn't fail - Murakami and Yasu kind of kick ass at diving off a highboard for learning how in one day.
- Kanjani8 help each other streeeetch. Yoko is still inflexible and does Ryo really need to sit on Ohkura like that?
- Kanjani8 are dorks and play pirate in a barrel - OVERSIZED VERSION. The loser freaks out. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
- Kicking a balloon into a goal should not cause so much excitement.
- Old women love on Ohkura. Um, yes. Ohkuuuuuura!
- Cookout photoshoot for Kanjani8! Maru feeds Yasu and Ryo feeds Ohkura. Ohkura makes orgasmic noise. Everyone is really cute.
- Ryo and Yoko are five-year-olds when it comes to certain things. Boys and their toys.
- Subaru and Murakami are cute and feed each other out of their bentos. So cute.
- Uchi is a wimp and screams at faraway fish.
- We did mention that Subaru was a pervert right? Subaru is a pervert, Ryo gets embarrassed.
- If you're ever in a sinking boat, don't go looking to Uchi for help. Uchi fails at swimming.
- And don't even ever think of going to Ryo, because Ryo would probably sink like a rock.
- <http://www.mediafire.com/?d3zkzm4ax5u">Ryo fails at darts</a>. (and looks cute) <- so says Korea
- Ryo winz at darts (and can't hid his GLEE).
- No one should look hot in baggy green sweatpants, but Ohkura does. And he's wearing eyeliner.
- Watch as Ohkura tries not to call attention to the fact that he just got hit in the balls with a ball. Discreet failure, yes?
- Maru and Ohkura need to learn to not use bodies as the bowling ball.
- Ryo and Uchi are kind of gay together (okay really gay) and have a moment with a baby and feed each other seafood. (Subaru and Murakami aren't surprised by the gay, really. Only that Ryo and Uchi ATE ALL THE CRAB. hahahaha!)
- Ryo and Uchi search for superidol.
- Yoko is happy and excited. HAPPY ENOUGH TO KISS MURAKAMI. Niiiiiice.

What's left you may ask? PIC SPAM!!!

We mentioned that Kanjani8 tends to leave spaces for Uchi right? Or hints (see pink ribbon on Ohkura's leg).




FLASHBACK PICS. Kanjani8 as juniors! V.West with their old guitarist and drummer!





To end! RANDOM AND GAY.